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New Year’s Resolution: The Top Ten Things I Will Not Lose in 2012
*** As we kiss 2011 goodbye, and welcome the new year, I’ve made my resolutions. Have you? Here they are, keeping in mind what JK Rowling (Luna Lovegood) says: “Things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end, if not always in the way we expect.” Hmmm…that may be true for wizards, but I’m not so sure about it in the muggle world. Here are the Top Ten Things I Will Not Lose in 2012: 10. My Keys 9. My Sense of Humor 8. My Hair 7. My Temper 6. A Bet 5. One Sock 4. My Cellphone 3. An Argument 2. My Mind 1.…
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The Top Ten Things A Cunning Turkey Would Say To Escape His Obligation
As we count down to Thanksgiving, here are our ideas for what a cunning turkey would say to weasel his way out of his Thanksgiving obligation. Special thanks to my friend, Jenny, for the assistance with this silly blog post. My son can’t bear to think of the turkey’s supreme sacrifice… *** 10. “Don’t look at me! I’m not the one who consistently wakes up everyone at the crack of dawn!” 9. “I’m not a turkey; I’m a chicken.” 8. “There a strange glaze in your eyes when you hold that knife…sort of like Norman Bates in ‘Psycho.'” 7. “Look! Quick! Over there! It’s Santa Claus!” 6. “I’m not a…
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The Top 10 Things that Give Me Agita
The word “agita” is Italian slang, though Merriam-Webster lists it as a word in the online dictionary. We typically say the word when something gives us anxiety or leaves us feeling unsettled. *** 10. The New Jersey Turnpike when you have a special event to attend and it’s shut down at Exit 4, 5, 6…(one can only guess where the big closure might be)…causing you to detour, be creative with a map, and finagle your way to your destination, praying you won’t be THAT LATE (or miss it). 9. A broken toilet seal, the result of which causes your toilet to overflow, soak the floor of the bathroom, and drip…
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A Mother’s List: The Top Ten Things I Wish Would Never Come Out of My Mouth Again
Not every day is blissful in the Land of Motherhood. As mothers, the reality is, we make these statements, or statements like them ADL (all day long). I’ll count down some of my favorites to number one in David Letterman style. Number 10: Who left their retainer on the bathroom floor? Number 9: Those birds are going to be given away to a loving family unless someone cleans their cage! Number 8: Homework is meant to be done, not admired from afar. Number 7: I don’t care if it’s called goulash; it’s what I made for dinner, so eat it! Number 6: Did you guys wash your private parts? Wait,…
